November is Diabetes Awareness Month. This month I want to talk about something that I have come to learn after many years of being a diabetic but also with the knowledge I’ve gained through my medical school career. Recently in school, we have learned a series of statistics about diabetes ranging from hypoglycemia risk, diabetic ketoacidosis, renal complications, to retinal issues. It triggered a very distinct memory from an extremely difficult time in my life where I struggled to put my health as a priority.
In my senior year of college, I became negligent. It was not intentional, but subconsciously I knew exactly what I was doing. I had looked up diabetes burnout numerous times on google and read a variety of blogs, articles, and research studies on the internet. I tried to understand what this concept was. I would cancel doctors appointments, to avoid seeing what my A1C was. I would lie to friends and family that I had checked my blood glucose prior to my meals. I would take insulin without knowing the carbohydrates or blood sugar corrections that I would need to make. Essentially, I was living on the edge, except this time, the edge was truly detrimental. As you can imagine, you can only go so long doing this without it catching up.
I ended up in the hospital two times that year with DKA. I tried to blame it on 1000000 other things. I probably named every reason in the book: my insulin pump is broken, my body is self destructing, etc. The second time I was in the hospital was when I had just gotten my acceptance into medical school. My attending physician asked me a series of questions to try to get to know more about my life and as he found out I had been accepted to medical school, he turned extremely stern. He said, “If I were a gym trainer who ate fast food 2 meals per day 7 days per week, would you have faith in me?” I thought that was a dumb question, obviously not. He proceeded to say, “You may have gotten into medical school. You may deserve to be there because you are a good student. But, you will not make it through if you carry yourself the way you are. And even if you somehow manage to make it through, I can guarantee that your patients will not listen to you. It is okay to fall off the wagon once in a while. It is okay to not have the faith in yourself that you can do what you put your mind to. But when it begins to impact those that you go into medicine for, trust me you will realize.” That hit me hard.
I was already in a vulnerable position. Being in DKA is anything but enjoyable. As I lay there thinking about what this doctor had just told me, for the first time I realized that my own thoughts were my problem. I didn’t know much in the moment. One thing I did know, was that if I was going to pursue medicine for all the reasons that I wanted to, I would never let my lack of self-discipline and self care come in the way of how my future patients would see me. I cannot tell you what exactly was the tipping point in the physician’s conversation with me, but I can say that he sparked a light of understanding.
From that moment onwards, I took baby steps. There was no way I could get an A1C from 8.4 down below 7 overnight. It took diligence. It took carbohydrate counting and exercise. It took consistent reminders that it is okay to fall as long as I stand back up and try again. It took consistent honesty with those around me that were trying to help. It took way more than I thought I ever had in me. So now reading those statistics about renal complications and retinal damage during school scared me. What if there is someone out there like me who does not have faith in themselves and doesn’t have someone there telling them that they need to get their life together? What if they think that they are just going to be one of those statistics that I used to read about? It isn’t that this journey is perfect. There is always somewhere to improve. But had I not taken what that physician said to heart, I may have waited too long before I decided to take a step in the right direction. So I wonder, if a statistic is just analytical data representative of a sample to better indicate the larger group, if all of us try hard to beat the statistics, then we will be the new statistic? Right?
This was a difficult story to share. Being honest with oneself is difficult but being honest with others is even harder. With diabetes awareness month, I think it is important to share these stories. Because they are real. They are true struggles. I am proud of my current A1C of 6.8. My mom and my doctor are proud. But, only I know what I went through to get this far. And it all started with one spark of faith and a whole lot of trying to evade the statistical complications. I urge everyone to learn these stats. I urge everyone to try to beat these stats. I find myself constantly trying to beat my last A1C. I find others constantly trying to beat their personal records. I see my classmates trying to beat the average exam grades. So once again, what happens once we beat the statistics?
Keeks' Corner 